The awakening

I've seen the light of day and felt the promise of tomorrow. Hard to do these days, especially for me in light of the current economy but I have a reason to be optimistic.

Let me explain if I can; I have found freedom and happiness and it's funny that they are walking along hand in hand. It's funny because I've searched for either of them for years but have never been introduced as of yet. Maybe it's turning 52 a while back or just the fact that I don't take life as seriously as I did a few years ago.

This is a high water mark for me. It's always been stay as focused as you can, usually not very well, go beyond expectations and deliver beyond any promise made. That takes it's toll on you after a lifetime and you finally reach a point of no return. A point of just saying I can no longer make the thing work anymore. I am losing a big part of me just trying to live! And there are not that many years left for me to live!

Regrets? Oh hell yes! I have a stack of them, and it pisses me off to think that I can never replace those with some sort of effort to rectify them. I don't need to go into specifics, it's sufficient for the moment to just say they exist. And they growl at me from time to time saying "Hey boy, how'd that work out for ya?" Knowing the answer is "Not to good."

Well, last week I realized that I need to have a little more me time. I have 3 steadfast rules for living that I pass on to others when they have problems; they are:
1. You cannot make someone happy. I'm not talking about telling a joke or being light hearted and jovial, I mean, you cannot be responsible for the lifetime joy of another human being! Happiness is elusive and runs and hides with whatever emotional spams hits another. We do what we can to be happy and cheerful to others, but we cannot make them happy.
2. You cannot make someone healthy. Not talking about curing diseases here, chronic health conditions exist and must be lived with, managed or accepted as the norm.
3. You cannot make someone love you! You can love anyone you choose to, heap upon them every effort to win favor and misread the acceptance of your intentions as love. But, love is love. It can't be taken by force or bought at any price. It must be given freely; without strings, reservations or exceptions.

This will be misunderstood I'm sure. I don't care. Read rule #1. I spent a lot of years making, or should I say trying to make others happy. I cannot do that!!! I am what I am. I am a Rat Bastard at times. I freely admit it. A friend of mine and I established an organisation this past weekend celebrating the Bitches and Rat Bastards among us! Membership by application and appointment only.

So, with this new outlook, things have never seemed more positive for me. I'm still broke, that will change in time. I still love my work, that I don't think that will ever change. And I am still getting older. Unless they crack that space time thingy, it will continue to be so, I hope.

Life is so good right now and the promise of tomorrow is better every day!