I've been feeling the pain of growing older lately. Not in such a bad way as physical pain, but the emotional pain of aging. That, in and of itself is probably more hurtful than the physical aspect. Almost like the blog I wrote a while back about change.
I'm pretty healthy, physically active and still have my wits about me. Not bad for me. I can still hold my own against anyone. But things are changing and I'm don't know how much more change I can accept, or even want to accept. I am at a crossroads in the career department. I may have to close my business. I don't want to. It's been my baby for 17 years and it has kept me up a lot over the years but here lately, there isn't much life left in it. I even made the decision a few months back to do just that, close it down. Good fortune has smiled on me and for whatever reason, I had kept up the insurance and other essentials required to do what it is I do. So, I'm working again. Loosing this would be a blow to me that would be hard to overcome, I would survive it no doubt, maybe even thrive in another arena but it would be like loosing someone you care about deeply. And yet, another opportunity presents itself today, wish me luck!
Friends are loosing parents. Most have lost at least one, I lost my dad 9 years ago so I know that void well. I have one now who is about to loose a mother, I feel for her, I really do. Watching the people that brought you into the world suffer is hard. You think, this person was undefeatable, and yet death is slowly picking away at the surface until there is nothing left. Those that nurtured us, protected us and raised us to be who we are, our real life Superheros, leaving us. We are thus charged with taking care of them at this point. To make them as comfortable as we can and to do whatever we can to ease their suffering. My friend is doing this and doing it well. Death knocks on every door and we all must at some time in our lives open it. If we could bring back those that left us would we? I can only speak for myself and the answer is no. Dad is happy where he is and I am not so selfish as to deprive him of his happiness. No one can take from me my memories and the sage advice given over the years, those are mine forever.
I could ramble on and on about things that make no sense, lack of a work ethic, moral code or even music, but that is for another day. Let's just say that change is catching up with me and it is something that I have to digest. I will feel compassion for my friends in pain and loss. Change what I need to adjust to and just be human for the time being.
